Here are 10 methods for building self esteem.

Here are 10 methods for building self esteem.

1. Avoid stress by getting projects done before the time they are due. When we are under stress, we do not feel good about ourselves. We feel the stress is our fault, and sometimes it is. But when we head off the “need” to stress because we have worked to get ahead of the game, we feel good. Yes, it takes a while to develop enough open space between you and your deadlines, but the effort is worth it.
2. When your job is done to your satisfaction, congratulate yourself on the job you have done. This is not the stereotypical patting-yourself-on-the back posturing before other people about what you have done. This congratulations is internal, to yourself. Nothing wrong with being recognized for a job well done. But let others do that. Compliment yourself and feel the inner warmth that brings.
3. It is better to have aimed at the sky and fallen in a tree than to have aimed at the tree and crashed into the ground. But set objectives that are reachable. Yes, we are told in the self help movement to “reach for the stars.” Nothing wrong with that; but make sure your star reaching is possible. To continually miss the mark lowers self esteem, whereas reaching your mark more often than not, builds self esteem.
4. Be accountable for who you are. Do not pass off mistakes onto others. Stand-up, like an adult, and be accountable. This is tough at times, especially when you have made a mistake. Mistakes happen to everyone, repeat, everyone. Own up to them, at least, within yourself and out loud, if appropriate. Learn from that mistake, which you can only do if you are accountable. And move on.
5. Many self-help gurus will tell you to look in the mirror and tell yourself you are nature’s gift of good looks. Well, when I look in the mirror, I see an over-weight guy in his early 60s with white hair, already. No way I am going to lie to myself and tell myself I am a younger Paul Newman. But that does not mean I find myself unattractive. Everyone of normal visage will find something about which to be proud when looking in the mirror. Do this for yourself; look in the mirror and find what is attractive about you and help yourself build your self esteem on that characteristic.
6. Speaking of perfection as we were, see mirror above, do not seek it. Perfection in this physical world does not exist. Perfection does exist in the spiritual world and at the quantum level. Of these you may partake and affirm yourself perfect in the “eyes” of the Universe (or God, if you prefer). There you are perfect. But nothing else will ever be perfect. Do not expect it. Then when it does not materialize, which it will not, you won’t disappoint yourself. When you achieve what you expect, as opposed to striving for perfection, you will be building self esteem.
7. Try not to be pre-occupied with yourself. How you look. How you sound. How intelligent you are. How well you are dressed as compared to others. These sorts of preoccupations with self are destructive to self esteem. Someone will always sound better, look better, dress better, accomplish more. That’s life. When you really want to build self esteem, try being aware of the needs of others. Compliment them sincerely. Congratulate them genuinely. Your own self esteem will rise in proportion to how you serve others.
8. At the same time, treat yourself well. Eat as well as you can; dress as well as you can; exercise as well as you can; read (to be literate) as well as you can; inform yourself as well as you can. Doing these sorts of things, treating yourself well, will build that self esteem beyond the effort it seems to take to do these kinds of things.
9. When you have done all you can for yourself up to this moment, be yourself. Don’t try to be anyone else. It is impossible and unnecessary. You are who you are by virtue of all that you have placed in your life; no one else will ever be exactly you. The Universe needs exactly you to be fulfilled in its existed. At the quantum level of existence, you enrich the Universe just as you are, so, be yourself.
10. Finally, for today anyway, be positive. You have so much going for you, there is no need to see clouds when you could perceive blue skies, simply by believing and living as though there are blue skies. No matter what happens or does not happen in your life, find the bright side. It is always there, I promise, but you have to look for it.
Following these 10 methods and you will be building self esteem in yourself, day after day.
A Course In Miracles

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Building Self Esteem Is Something You Gift Yourself

Building self esteem is something you do for yourself. In other words, self esteem is a gift you give yourself; getting to that gift takes some effort. Here are several ways you can put forth that effort
First, try to limit your human contact to positive folks. I know this is hard, but it is essential to your growth in self esteem. Positive folks want to see you succeed. Their own attitude will help your attitude.
Second, get out of the house. Do something connected to a hobby or interest of yours. Staying put, never seeing or doing anything new can be a drag on the human spirit.
Third, dress well for all occasions. Now, I do not mean that you must always be in a coat and tie or formal gown (depending on your gender). I do mean that you do not want to dress in a sloppy, “I don’t care” manner.  Dress as well for the occasion as you, even if it sitting watching your favorite TV program. This will automatically increase your self esteem.
Fourth, always build yourself up. I don’t mean by boasting or bragging or any other conceited behavior. I mean by constantly being positive about yourself. Yes, even in failure, say something like this, “Yes, I messed up, but I will learn from my mistake and grow from here.”
Fifth, remember that life is not a contest; there is not a prize for the “best human being.” When making assessments of yourself, measure only against yourself. There is no one else who can fill your shoes the way you do, and that’s the way it is meant to be. Sure, we all have persons we look up to, but they are not you and can never be you and you can never be them, nor ought you attempt to be.
Sixth, be prepared to accept failure. Everyone, repeat, everyone fails sometime. It is what you do with failure that counts. I don’t mean that you court failure, but know it will happen to you. When you accept failure as part of the process of building self esteem, you will be that much farther ahead.
Seventh, know that criticism will come your way. Sometimes it will hurt. But if you are able to see if there is any truth in it, then you can use it to your own betterment. So when someone criticizes, try to step back from it, find the truth in it if there is any and grow from that truth. If there is no truth in the criticism, simply ignore it.
Follow these seven pieces of advice and you cannot fail to be building self esteem in yourself.

A Course In Miracles
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On Your Way to Building Self Esteem Find Success and Tranquility

Part of building self esteem is the endeavor for success. When you are successful at whatever it is your try, you feel good about yourself. That good feeling is to be cherished. But sometimes you will not be successful. It happens to everyone, by the way. Never let anyone tell you that if you have genuine self esteem that you will never fail. It simply is not true. I have failed. Every successful person has failed. It’s what you do with your failures that counts.
But what counts even more is to understand that what success is really all about is who you have become. Success is feeling that you are in a good place in your life at this moment. We are not concerned with the last moment nor the next moment. We are dealing with this moment. This kind of turns success on its ear. True success is the fact that you are proud of who you are in this moment.
Then tranquility will become yours. It will become yours as you understand that success is who you are, not necessarily what you have done. In other words, you will be in harmony with yourself. When you are in harmony with yourself, you can begin to be in harmony with all other things, living or inanimate. This harmony with all things is tranquility.
This harmony and tranquility, following on the success of who you are, is what you were meant to be; it is the state of being that was (is) what the Universe (God) meant for you all along. When you accept this for yourself, think about it, act like it is yours, you will be perpetually building self esteem.

A Course In Miracles

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Being Perfect and Building Self Esteem

One of the things about building self esteem is observing that many folks who talk about and teach about self esteem seem to be perfect in their lives and in their ways. Many who talk or teach give off the impression that all is perfectly well in their lives.
Yet we who struggle with self esteem issues every day of our lives observe ourselves not to be perfect–far from it. We still have the mundane issues of becoming angry, getting tired, missing deadlines, forgetting important things and not-so important things.
The Buddha was once asked, “Do you ever get angry?” “Of course,” was his reply. “Do ever wish to strike someone in anger?” “Of course,” said the Buddha. “But why do you not strike, then?” “If I struck someone else, am I not only also striking myself, and how would that benefit me?” was his reply.
Even the Buddha in all his wisdom had issues with anger and the desire to hit someone. We are not perfect in our daily actions and thoughts even as we struggle toward self esteem. Nor need we feel we need be perfect in that way.
We are, however, and you must get this point, we are perfect in God. We are of God and God is perfect. So in the sense that we are part and parcel of God, we are perfected in God. Even our willingness to see this perfection in ourselves need not be whole, however. For in God there is enough wholeness for all of us, when we simply recognize this connection between God and ourselves. (Once again, if God is an inappropriate term for you, use whatever term fits your life. For me that term is Universe. You may have another such as Divine Matrix, Complete Consciousness, Divine Reality, etc.)
Simply remember as you are building self esteem that in God you are perfect and so is everyone else.

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Building Self Esteem and Where One Belongs

In building self esteem, one must consider where one belongs. What are you a part of that makes you esteem-able? To be part of something that is esteem-able, that thing must be very big or there would be little esteem in you for being part of it. Well, how about as big as the Universe? I think that this place, which we call the Universe, which seems to go on forever, is big enough.
But it is just a thing, you say. Nothing more than matter and space. It has no worth in and of itself, you say.
Perhaps we humans have now discovered something there beside matter and space. A Course in Miracles says “There are no beginnings and endings in God, who is the universe in himself.” Beyond these words of wisdom, quantum physics points out that all is the Universe and everything in the universe is made of the same material. Some have called this the “God Stuff.” (Quantum Prodigal Son) Suffice it to say that God is the Universe as found in wisdom and science.
Now, you cannot exclude yourself from the Universe. You are obviously part of the universe. You live in it, you breathe in it. If you cannot exclude yourself from the Universe, because you are a portion of that Universe, then you cannot exclude yourself from God. It is in the Universe that you belong; it is in God that you belong. You are never lost for a part of God cannot be lost or missing to God. The Universe encompasses all and all is encompassed by God. This is where you belong.
Yes, you may feel that you do not belong with this group of people or that group. You may feel that you excluded from such-and-such an organization because of . . . You name it. And that makes you feel bad. Or you feel you don’t measure up to the requirements of that establishment. This feeling left out, for whatever reason, lowers your self esteem.
But I am telling you that you belong in and to God. You belong in and to the Universe. When you are building self esteem, remember to whom you belong and that you will never be lost from this Universe.

12 11 2007

A Course In Miracles

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